Flings, Casual Sex, Friends-with-Benefits, etc. – These are some of the very common topics amongst today’s youth. With the advent of the internet and the whole plethora of dating apps such as Tinder, Badoo, etc., and of course the usual like Facebook, Hangouts and Hike, the dating world has gained a whole new momentum.
Hooking up with someone has never been easier and seriously speaking, relationships don’t have any black or white areas anymore. They have grey areas.
But then, let’s come to the Indian domain where our apparent “sanskar” does not allow us to refer to such stuff and till date makes girls think that losing their virginities before marriage will destroy their lives. We all like to hear these terms in English movies and series but when trying them out, we never have any guts to actually come out in the open.Folks, If you are ready to westernize your closet and your lifestyle, don’t you think that you should first start being open to westernized concepts and open thoughts?
Everyone should try and understand that these new concepts of flings not bad even if they go against the conventional Indian idea of dating only for the purpose of making a good catch for marriage and securing your future.
However, before I start off with a rant, I would like to stop right there and first actually try and explain the differences between the above mentioned terms and of course how they don’t make a girl a ‘Slut’ or a guy a ‘Stud’.
So, the first one in my list is the term “Friends with Benefits”. This means that the guy and the girl know each other and are actually quite friendly. And, they have a pact of fulfilling each other’s sexual needs and that is where their relationship stops.
Advantage – No complexities in relationship, just physical attraction.
Drawback – They might develop feelings for each other. (Both Hollywood & Bollywood agree on this.)
The next one would be of course a “fling” where a guy and girl are not at all interested in each other’s personal lives but would love to talk to each other, continue dating for a week or two and may even have sexual relations but that is it.
Advantage – No emotional quotient involved as you don’t even know the person that well.
Drawback – You are branded as “heartbreaker”, “Dhokebaaaaaaaaj”
Casual Sex and Hook-ups
Last but not the least are my two favourite words “casual sex” and “hook-ups” in which the emotional quotient is minimal; they only meet up for sex.
Here, there is literally no drama, zero. But you need to have protection aaaaaaaaall the time!
In between Oscar announcements and racial violence, the internet has been abuzz over the banning of Alankrita Shrivasta’s “Lipstick Under my Burkha”. And rightly so.
It’s not uncommon for men to be threatened by a woman’s sexuality. Add ‘Indian’ and ‘Muslim’ to that, and what you have is a woman who should only be wearing Boroline under her burka. And yet here I am, a grown Muslim woman in India wearing lipstick, thongs, handcuffs and much more (or less, depending on how you look at it). You’d be surprised…
It isn’t like there weren’t attempts to stop me from being a real, natural, sexually liberated woman who’d love to give away one femme-fingering tip or two. In fact, I lived most of my teenage life in abstinence, which is why at a time when my classmates had already developed preferences for flavors and brands in condoms and were discussing how to handle a gag reflex, I was still wearing camisoles with giraffe motifs. No one would have guessed that in a year I was going to turn into a full-fledged sexually awakened woman, far from worst chastity trends popular before like those kinds of ultimate chastity practices in London before.
Within two months of dating my first boyfriend, he disappeared. When he came back three months later fresh out of rehab, we met and hooked up. That’s when he told me, “What happened to you, you were such a prude”. And boy was I.
But I was determined to change all that. Tired of living like a nun and replaying the piano scene from Pretty Woman in my head as the height of love and romance, I wanted to experience life as a young modern woman equal to a man in every way (read – burgeoning sex drive) and I thought vibrators are safe for use.
We took his birthday as the perfect opportunity to start our sexual adventure. And a few hours before midnight we were hushing our way up the fire exit. In that dark and dingy hideout, we made out as passionate lovers do. We were unstoppable, rolling around in the dirt, happy and flushed with the passion of youth. And when I whispered in his ears, “I am staying over tonight so should we make a quick trip to the chemist first”, it marked my metamorphosis from prude to predator. A few hours later that same night, he said, “God! Have I unleashed a beast?” He had.
In all honesty, considering the way I had grown up, I surprised myself as much as I did him. Because not long ago I was still practicing ‘how to kiss perfectly’. And now I had tried everything sculpted on the Konark temple. My ever readiness with regards to when, where and how we had sex appalled my boyfriend ever so frequently that he asked, “What do they say about how a girl from your background should have sex?” And my reply was always, “They ask you to keep the lights off. But don’t you want to see what I look like?”
He broke out of that world sooner than I did and lost interest in sex, and me. Perhaps that’s because my approach to sex didn’t appeal to his chauvinistic mind. In a short while, I had gained myself the reputation of a ‘free spirit’. But I believe it had more to do with my identity than the actual frequency with which I had sex. Like a professor of mine said, “Sex is like two people getting a beer together, and who puts a limit on how many you have?” But then again I wasn’t supposed to be having those either, right?
Patriarchy and habit together caused my libido to become threatening to him. He told me, “Honey I appreciate your enthusiasm but I am not a machine”. At that moment I was truly embarrassed and ashamed.
As you can imagine, this relationship ended soon. And thus arrived the opportunity for me to truly experiment. In the first week I after our break up I had many one night stands. Maybe it was on the rebound, or maybe it was just reinforcing to myself that I was ok with my choices. My best friend who knew every single minute detail of every one of my sexcapades told me I if I got marked present for every time I had sex, I won’t have attendance issues for the rest of my academic life. My other close friends were worried about my health and offered to pay for my STD tests, and of course, there were many who judged. I had however never heard of people being worried if a guy was too horny and I definitely couldn’t have been discriminating against my own gender. To me, everything was perfectly fine and I was perhaps a little hornier than someone else. I wasn’t ashamed, depressed or skeptical – I love sex and I had as much of it as I wanted to.
And then, I entered into the most beautiful relationship I have had so far with another living being. It started off as long distance (no sex), and recently we moved in together. He loves me for who I am. For all my weaknesses, strengths, fantasies and dreams. Do my parents know? Hell no. It might take a few more years for them to change their way of thinking. Just like the Censor Board. Meanwhile, here’s a message for them. I am a woman, and I love having sex and becoming pregnant soon too.
Finding your third wheel is truly one of the hardest parts of having a threesome. It’s like porn meme. Dan Savage calls them “unicorns” because it’s so rare to find a person who: a) you are both attracted to, b) is attracted to both of you in return, c) is willing to sleep you no strings attached, and d) is sane enough to not wreak havoc on your relationship. It’s a tall order!
So many people have fantasies of the perfect threesome situation effortlessly presenting itself on a silver platter, but this is rarely the case in reality. It looks easy on erotic film though. The bottom line is that setting up a successful threesome takes work. If you really want to make this happen, you’re going to have to try harder. Here’s where I suggest you start.
Step 1: Decide If It’s Actually Worth It
If you guys have been half-heartedly trying to make this happen for a year, it might be time to reevaluate. Do you want to keep waiting for it to magically happen on its own, and if so, are you fine with the very real possibility that it might not ever happen? Does it feel like it’s time to step it up and put in a little more effort? Or will this end up to a person who got divorced?
Sometimes having the topless waitress fantasy is more fun than actually living it out. When it’s just a fantasy, you and your boyfriend can dream up endless scenarios and details, watch threesome porn, or read erotic threesome stories. When it’s a reality, you might have one awesome night to reminisce about, or you might have a flurry of awkward and uncomfortable memories.
Step 2: Get Clear On Your Boundaries
So you’ve thought about it and decided you do want to go ahead with trying to have a threesome. The next step is to make sure you’re both crystal clear about what you’re looking for.
Talk about what’s on and off the table. Is your special guest going to play with just you, or does your boyfriend get to get in on the action too? Are you rounding the bases, or just sticking with foreplay? Is kissing OK? Would you feel comfortable letting her stay the night, or do you want her to leave right after the fun?
Keep communicating throughout the process to make sure you’re both on the same page. Come up with a code word or signal that you could use to say “time out, I need a second to check in” and one for “this needs to stop right now.”
It’s also important to communicate those boundaries to your unicorn. You may feel overly clinical or awkward doing so, but threesomes require more communication than twosomes. Be explicit about what’s on and off the table for the two of you, and ask her what she’s comfortable with. For example, “we’re looking forward to playing with you, but we just want to be clear that we want to draw the line at intercourse. What are you looking for?”
Step 3: Get On The Internet
A unicorn is not going to come to you; you have to go find one. Doing so is hard, but the Internet has made it a whole lot easier. There are threesome-specific websites and even a threesome app. If you’re worried about having your pictures up on these kinds of sites, describe yourselves and write, “we’re shy, but happy to exchange pictures privately.” Or you can put up a note on OkCupid explaining what you’re looking for. If you’re totally clear in your profile, you can avoid some of the awkwardness of having to spell it out in person.
I strongly recommend against having your third be someone who is a friend. There’s no undoing a threesome, and they can make things extremely awkward and uncomfortable. You don’t want to lose a friendship for one night of fun. If you’re on the fence, just think through a few scenarios … what if it seemed like your boyfriend was enjoying having sex with your best friend a little too much? What if your best friend seemed to be enjoying having sex with your boyfriend a little too much? Unless you feel extremely confident that your friendship could withstand the strain of a threesome, it’s just not worth the risk.
I’m not going to lie to you; if the two of you are into very different types of women, it’s probably going to be hard to agree on someone to invite into your bedroom. Here’s where it might help to revisit Step 1: Is it really worth having a threesome if you have to compromise and hook up with someone you’re not all that attracted to?
Step 4: Evaluate Your Options
Your ad is up, and you’re starting to get some nibbles. You might be so excited to get your first few responses that you feel tempted to invite a lady over ASAP, but I recommend giving yourselves a little bit of time to feel it out in person before committing.
Say to your potential unicorns, “how do you feel about getting together for a cocktail? If it feels like a good fit, we can talk about what we’d like to do for the rest of the evening. If it doesn’t seem like a match, we can go our separate ways, no hard feelings.” Agree on a signal with your boyfriend beforehand, like if you both touch your right earlobes, it’s a go.
Have a drink if you want to calm your nerves, but don’t get drunk. Being intoxicated makes it so much harder to make good decisions. Plus, you want to be able to actually enjoy your threesome, right? How sad would it be to wake up the next morning with only foggy memories?
In case it’s not a match, you may also want to have a plan for politely excusing yourselves for the evening. Getting turned down is always painful, no matter the situation, so try to spare her feelings with something gentle like, “you’re so lovely, but I think I’m too nervous to go through with this.”
Step 5: Take Baby Steps
You don’t have to go all the way the first time you hook up with your special guest. You may want to dip a toe into the threesome waters by having a makeout or cuddle session before doing anything more serious. Take the opportunity to check in with your boyfriend afterwards. See how you each felt, and if you want to continue moving forward.
Step 6: Consider The Jealousy Factor
Jealousy is unavoidable with threesomes. If you care about your boyfriend, some part of you is going to get fired up seeing his hands on another woman. The challenge is figuring out if the uncomfortable feelings are worth the thrill.
It seems like you’re both already getting a little triggered by each other’s aesthetic preferences. You’re worried about him liking other body types more than your own, and he seems concerned that you might be a little too into women. I don’t mean to be a threesome party-pooper, but I’d spend some time thinking about whether or not you can actually handle the jealousy that a threesome might evoke. You’re the only one who can honestly answer that question!
Next time you go down on your guy, he’ll be in for quite a surprise.
Men go absolutely weak in the knees for you after an amazing blowjob. Perhaps you give him oral enthusiastically, which is sexually arousing, but let me ask you — how long has it been since you’ve really thought about your blowjob techniques?
Do you keep defaulting to the same routine and tricks every time you go down on him? Perhaps that worked great at first, but trust me — ‘predictable’ is the last word a man wants to use when describing his sex life. Meaning — there’s a good chance he’s secretly wishing you’d mix things up!
You’re in luck! Today, I am going to show you six proven techniques to help you give your man the most enjoyable oral sex he has ever received. Perfect for keeping him happy, rocking his world in new ways, and getting him to return the favor:
1. Start off with foreplay.
I am constantly surprised to hear people say that men don’t enjoy foreplay as much as women do. This is simply untrue. Men may never actually tell you that they like foreplay, but your guy will have much more powerful and enjoyable orgasms if you engage in foreplay with him before actually giving him a blowjob. (The same is true for regular sex.)
Thankfully, foreplay is pretty easy. In fact, your man enjoys most of the same things that you enjoy during foreplay.
Think about how you kiss him. Don’t just give him a peck on the cheek, pay close attention to the rest of his body, too. Not just his neck and cheeks, try kissing him all over his stomach and back, as well. You’ll even find that kissing his legs, right up to his groin can make for a really hot prelude before you get down to using my other blowjob techniques.
2. Always go from the base to the tip.
Once he’s warmed up, your man will now feel extra eager to start receiving oral sex from you. Which is exactly what you wanted.
This next blowjob technique is the perfect way to transition into giving him an actual blowjob. Start by taking his trousers/briefs off so everything is easier to access. Gently hold the base of his penis in your hand and then use your tongue to slowly lick it from the base right to the tip. You can try licking from the tip down to the base of his cock too, but often you’ll find that technique to be a little awkward.
Rather than just constantly licking straight from the bottom to the top, try a few variations of this technique: Try moving your tongue from side-to-side as you make your way from the base to the tip. You’ll also find that your man loves it when you pay most of your attention to the top of his member.
3. Don’t just go “in and out” … mix up your movement.
You’ll find that the two techniques I’ve just described will mostly help you uplevel the foreplay part. Now it’s time to actually start giving him a proper BJ. One of the major mistakes that women constantly make is using the same old boring oral sex techniques over and over on their man. Instead, use a little variation.
The main blowjob technique that is used over and over again is called the “In And Out.” This is when you simply take his penis in and out of your mouth with your lips wrapped around his shaft.
The thing is that most guys love this if you use it with other techniques like:
Keeping him in your mouth while using your tongue to “Twirl And Swirl” around it, massaging his penis as you do.
Using your tongue to focus on just the head of his penis.
Giving some attention to his testicles. You can lick them or take them into your mouth and gently suck and softly squeeze them.
4. Give him a helping hand.
Some women think that using their hands during oral sex is cheating. This is pretty ludicrous, as it’s not cheating at all. In fact, your man will greatly appreciate it.
The easiest way to use your hands when giving him a blowjob is to just grab his shaft and slowly massage it up and down like you would when giving him regular hand job. When you combine this with using the “Twirl And Swirl” technique at the same time, you have a recipe for one happy guy.
But that’s not all you can do with your hands. Another great blowjob technique is to use your hands to massage your man’s testicles while taking him in your mouth at the same time. 5. Try taking it deep.
The first four techniques will give you a great start to giving your man more enjoyable oral sex, but don’t just stop there; why not learn some more advanced techniques? Giving deep throat feels incredible to your man, but I’m not going to lie, it takes a bit of practice to get it right without it feeling horrible for you.
The key is to consistently practice on something like a peeled banana or even a dildo until if feels relatively easy to do. Also, rather than telling your man that you’re going to give him deep throat, a better way is to just surprise him with it. Trust me when I say — he’ll be pleasantly surprised.
6. End on a slow note. When you use all of these techniques I just shared, your man will have an incredibly enjoyable orgasm. When he eventually cums, he’ll experience many things that you also experience when you orgasm. For example, his penis will become incredibly sensitive to touch, just like your clitoris is when you’re having a clitoral orgasm.
So when your man starts to orgasm, make sure you don’t apply too much pressure to his penis. Instead, reduce the speed of whatever you are doing and make all movements with your tongue, mouth and hands much softer. (Tip: If you decide to swallow and you don’t like the taste, have him try flavor masque strips or pineapple juice to improve your blowjob experience.)
At the risk of thwarting the proponents of the sex toy as a simple tendency to sell batteries and paper although the use of sex toys is far ahead of the invention of paper: most modern tools no longer use of batteries, which dispenses us from the joke null on the “sex-with-piles”, and it turns out that by disqualifying this industry, one also disqualifies forms of pleasure which is always a pity.
Fashion has lasted 30,000 years and now brings in $ 15 billion a year. Studies are contradictory as to the number of users, and France is rather lagging with barely a quarter of the couples concerned. To cut the pear in two without splitting hairs: at least half of us would have already tried the experiment, buyers would be two-thirds of the time, men, a little more often in a couple than single at the time for the desperate user myth. Here you will learn how to choose your best dildo to hit your g-spot.
What sex toy do you need?
Why do we have to talk about sex toys? Why should the world have sex pages as much as cooking or travel pages? Not just for the economic, political, cultural, artistic implications that play out in this niche. Not only because every scientific innovation is used in the sex toy in four seconds, had shower included (for proof, the surge of sex toy connected). But above all, because the sex toy weighs heavily, very heavy, in sexual satisfaction from nasty sex experience – so in marital happiness, gender equality, so in the stability of society (well, I’m exaggerating, but we understand each other).
One example among many: most heterosexual interactions rely on vaginal stimulation, while most women, even those with virginity issues, will enjoy clitoral stimulation. A vibrator will connect these different forms of pleasure. It’s simple and it works.
What sex toy do you need?
I will not go into the details of a plethora of offers here: you probably know how you would like to enjoy and enjoy. I will only remind you that the term “sex toy” is much more than penis-like: this category includes jewelry, creams, feather dusters, ropes, chains, sheets, as much as classic dildos or prostate stimulators. Before you start watching porn together or jump on the most obvious options, those inspired by the human body, I recommend you to search for your shop (online or real) in its most specific categories. Because yes, the sex toy can replace a hand or a mouth but it can also provide sensations that another human body cannot imitate.
And there, it becomes interesting: when the sex toy is not only dedicated to compensate or add pleasure but becomes a discovery or script element. I think for example of the vibration (try with your fingers that we laugh), the effects of hot-cold, mini-electric shocks, costumes, stresses, or the penetration of the male urethra. Do you want to immerse yourself in the body of the other (the lubricant will be your favorite sex toy), or, conversely, to transcend your body shell (in which case you should buy a virtual reality headset)?
The more expensive it is, the better
To start, let’s talk budget. Sex toys obey the same laws of the market as cars or computers; it is difficult to get much in return for little. A vibrator at 2 euros does not vibrate. A pair of plastic handcuffs is rarely worth a pair of comfortable, adjustable leather handcuffs. Take the time to observe the rates: if anything seems oddly below the market average, trust your instincts. What you do not pay in hard currency, you will lose power, flexibility, ease of reloading.
The most likely being to get a disappointing mediocre sex toy which will end its short existence to take the dust in a closet which can hardly be considered a good investment. Without wanting to depress the morale of households, and without any financial interest in this story: the more expensive it is, the better. Sorry.
Do things seriously. Drop ducks, infantilizing designs, and pink wasted stuff, strawberry-flavored body oils tagada: especially if it’s the first purchase, you’ll disgust yourself with the sex toy – even though it’s about a possible wealth in your marriage (or in your masturbation). Agree to play the game, or let down!
A good sex toy marries your internal geography
You are obviously free to use cucumbers, bananas or split peas (according to your greed) for anal or vaginal penetration, but the sex toy, although paid, has a clear advantage over perishable: it is thought for its use. At least when it is thought that is, when it does not come from an industrialist employing Chinese children and toxic raw materials.
You may enjoy each year statistics of sexual accidents do not be shy, I have the same cute sin): stories of stuck cans, forgotten pens, bottles of shampoo decomposed. It is rare that a sex toy hangs.
As for anal pleasure, a brand like Aneros will espouse your internal geography. It is important. The same goes for the difference between a Magic Wand (the clitoral star of two years ago) and a Womanizer (the new star): the two work well, except that a Magic Wand crushes the clitoris when the Womanizer comes to wrap up which changes everything, especially in daily use. If you hesitate between two sizes, take the smallest.
Side brands, who to believe?
The best way to make a purchase is to trust professionals, which is the business, and not a subsidiary income. In the mid-range, you can consume with the eyes closed the products of the Japanese (Tenga: FlipHole for men, Iroha for women), Swedish (Lelo) and Germans (Fun Factory). For prostate massage, Aneros will cover your needs (and your rear). If you have a lot of money, search the Londoners Coco-de-Mer (and make a donation to your sex columnist). Ultra-connected will love the We-Vibe range.
Finally before taking out the blue card trust your common sense and your specific anatomy, more than critical reviews online. If you hesitate between two sizes, take the smallest – but if you’re hesitating between more or less powerful products, take the most powerful. And even if you want to spend a little money, go straight to a physical store, where you can usually test (on your hands!) Before buying know finally that online shopping comes in discreet packaging: promised, we will say nothing. But you will tell me some news.
This strap-on dildo is ideal for all couples, beginners and experienced. Indeed, it comes with a lot of different dildos with different shapes, designs, and sizes. So, if you’re just starting out, you can take a classic black dildo with a shape favoring easy penetration. If you want an XXL strap on, put the realistic dildo, with its impressive size, for sodomy that you will feel safe! The brand of this dildo has a solid reputation in the sex toy market. All its products are of quality.